South Park >> Season 3

The children of South Park are practicing "My Country 'Tis of Thee" for the "4 Million Child Blow," sponsored by Yoko Ono. Mr. Garrison doesn't want to go because his father still lives there. At the concert Stan and Kyle try to figure out a way to "out cool" the kids from New York. Cartman tries to find "the brown noise" and is successful. Stan and Kyle plan against the kids from New York but their scheme goes much too far.

Cartman is convinced he is going through puberty since he started bleeding out of his ass. Dr. Mephisto gives Stan some hormones and he takes the entire bottle. Stan gets facial hair, boobs and his voice starts changing. People are waiting outside of Jesus' home to see what kind of miracle he offers which ends up involving a comeback performance of a very old Rod Stewart and eventually an appearance by God.

Mr. Hankey introduces 10 musical segments highlighting songs the on the CD "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." The boys and all of the other South Park characters sing their own songs for the Holidays and realize that Christmas is all about the presents.

South Park's Civil War reenactment, sponsored by "Jagerminz S'More Flavored Schnapps," gets out of hand. Cartman persuades the drunken lot to defeat the northerners so that he can win a bet with Kyle and Stan that will make them his slaves for one month.

Starvin' Marvin finds an alien ship and begins searching out a new home for his people. The government interrogates the boys to find out about Marvin and direct them to Sally Struthers. Marvin stops in South Park to pick up the boys and take them to the planet Marklar. The Marklarians are willing to let the Ethiopians relocate to their world and the Christian channel does all they can to stop them.

Mrs. Cartman is about to give Eric a present. Of course Eric is hoping it will be some kind of toy, but it ends up being Hooked On Monkey Phonics to help him win the big South Park Annual Spelling Bee. Kyle finds Rebecca Cutswald to be quite intriguing and tries to woo her with his charm and teach her how to love and learn in public school.

The kids of South Park discover Chinpokomon, Japan's #1 cool toy to own! Wanting to avoid being losers, they persuade their parents to buy them the toys only to discover that the Chinpokomon are designed to brainwash them into bombing Pearl Harbor. The parents band together to stop Japan and save America!

Korn comes to South Park for a Halloween gig and learns of the boys problems with the 5th graders at South Park Elementary. Korn agrees to help the boys get revenge on the mean 5th graders all in a spooky Scooby Doo rip off!

Stan's parents bring him to Mr. Mackey's party, but he gets sent down to the basement to be with the lame kids. Kyle and Stan's fathers experiment with their homosexual tendencies. The ATF is convinced that the meteor shower party is actually a gathering of a religious cult that is going to commit suicide when the meteor shower arrives. Stan tries to save himself and the party from the ATF.

Shelly Marsh is babysitting Cartman. Shelly invites her boyfriend over and he in turn invites his band. Cartman has to prove that Shelly has violated the rules. Meanwhile, the Cartman's cat is in heat, searches for a good time and invites all the cats in the neighborhood back to the empty Cartman house for an orgy.

Sexual Harassment Panda visits Mr. Garrison's class. Cartman sues Stan for sexual harassment and Kyle's dad is getting rich. The boys go in search of "Sexual Harassment Panda" to stop the insanity. They find him at "The Island of Misfit Mascots Commune" and convince him to change his cause. He becomes Petey, the "don't sue people" Panda.

The boys take Shop class and try to set-up a fight between Tweek and Craig. Kenny is delighted in safely taking the Home Economics course. When the big fight arrives, the combatants don't know what to do; so Jimbo and Ned teach Tweek boxing and Cartman has Craig instructed in the art of Sumo. Shop teacher Mr. Adler has a recurring dream about a woman that he was never able to say goodbye to.

The boys discover a live prehistoric Jakovasaur while camping on Stark's Pond. The government and the citizens of South Park are interested in trying to help keep this endangered species alive, until they all realize how annoying the Jakovasaurs really are. The only one who really enjoys them is Cartman. The boys try distracting him while the town tries to send the Jakovasaurs to France.

Kyle and Stan try to rescue Chef from the clutches of the Succubus that he is going to marry. Meanwhile, Cartman deals with his eye problems and the optometrist he doesn't like. Chef's Mama and Papa appear for the first time.

Kenny spontaneously combusts. The mayor asks Randy Marsh to find a solution. The boys try to help Kyle's dad to get an erection. One way they think they can help is by performing the Stations of the Cross at church crucifying Cartman and waiting three days for his res-erection. Randy Marsh figures out the reason everyone is combusting is because they are withholding their farts.

Mr. Mackey punishes the boys by forcing them to join the "Getting Gay With Kids" choir. The choir is going to Costa Rica to help save the rainforest. While on a tour of the rainforest the choir group gets lost when a snake kills their guide. They soon discover the evils of the rainforest, which changes the choir group's message.